Romanian Immigrants Share Fred Goodwin's Fortune

What do Sir Fred Goodwin (the former boss of Royal Bank of Scotland, if there's anyone on this planet who still doesn't know who he is) and Romanian immigrants have in common?

Both had their homes' windows smashed in the UK. But while Sir Fred now lives in a plush home somewhere in France, recovering from the stress, the Romanian immigrants were forced to flee their houses in Belfast for fear the attacks will be repeated.

The thugs who did this obviously have no jobs to worry about and not a lot of brain, so they did not stop to think that these immigrants, too, are paying taxes.

Of course, it's not their fault these taxes go to plugging up holes in banks' balance sheets instead of going towards creating British jobs – for British people responsible enough not to throw stones.

Want to get elected? Follow this man's example!

Politicians hungry for votes should take a look at this populist Romanian ex-shepherd, who is now a MEP.

Gigi Becali, a colourful character who made money in the sheep business during communism (when anything one could eat or wear was worth its weight in gold), got elected into the European Parliament despite being charged with false imprisonment. Or maybe because of it, the BBC writes.

So here's the magic recipe for any politician in need of votes: drive a flashy car (a Maybach, preferably), leave it somewhere where it can be easily stolen, have it stolen, then find the thieves, beat them up and lock them away for a few days, then release them after they've signed statements confirming that they had stolen your car.

Then, when the police investigate you for it, tell the press that police are useless and the only way to obtain justice in this world is by carrying it out yourself. Make sure you are photographed with some religious objects in the background and refer often to your belief in Divine Justice and God.

This works better in poor countries with 45 years of communism behind them but hey, this recession seems to be doing its bit to bring the whole of Europe to that level. Mr. Brown, are you reading this?

PS I am looking forward to a meeting between Gigi Becali and Nigel Farage, the UKIP MEP well-known for his anti-Romanian remarks.

PPS Becali is also the owner of football club Steaua Bucharest, and buildings in the Romanian capital are full of grafitti reading "Gigi, get out!". He will, as soon as Romanian police lift the ban on his leaving the country. After all, the man has a job to do in Brussels.